Emotional rescue (Day 35 of Lose the Temper)
Well I have to blog on Valentines Day! But it might not be about love. Sorry.
This will be short cause it’s the end of the work day and I have to meet the kids at home — but — I learned something that maybe most people already know — but it could be useful.
I got upset by something two nights ago. I knew I was upset, I knew I didn’t want to lose my temper, so I just sat on the feeling. Kept it inside. I was VERY uncomfortable. And it went against all my instincts. All I wanted to do was let it rip. All I wanted to do was express my feelings, but I thought better of it. I even had to fall asleep with that feeling. Something I had been told countless times never to do. But I thought if I opened my mouth it might not go in the direction we are trying to go here.
I think it was very much like what it must feel like to be an impulsive shopper. You see something you want badly, but you decide (maybe because you are in a program or something) that you better NOT buy it. It feels awful. You twist and turn and pace around, but you don’t get the damn shoes. And by the next day, you are over them.
So the next morning I was able to talk about the subject that just 12 hours before was driving me nuts, in a calm, orderly, not mad way. No fight, no loss of temper, resolved in 7 minutes. (I think had I indulged the night before it could have lasted two hours.)
It did mean discomfort. I don’t think of myself as an indulgent person, but maybe I have been in the past with my emotions. If I feel it I have indulged in expressing it. A tad spoiled really, no? Why do I feel that I get to be emotionally comfortable all the time?
So the lesson is sometimes, in order to not lose your temper you will have to feel extremely uncomfortable for a while. No pain, no gain.
Love your people, I love you (in the most general, only said on Valentines day way).