Lose the Temper. I really messed up with this blog!! And some answers why.
I am writing to apologize for my JV handling of my blog! This is what happened: I started the project in an effort to look at my behavior around losing my temper, but it was also during a waiting-for-a-manuscript time (which I have learned, since I am in the middle of another one of those times now, makes me itchy to write.)
I was loving the blog but then — I got the manuscript back and understood just how much work I had to do on my novel (like start it again), so I ended up dropping my anger blog project like a hot potato and getting to work on my book. And I am sorry, if there is anyone out there that cares, because it felt so unfinished and ditched and talking about anger and how to get a handle on it can be very important. But, I wrote my book, lived my life and felt in the back of my mind like I had unfinished business, but was too occupied to do anything about it.
I didn’t stop the temper project though. I tried my hardest every day to be calm and less impulsive and less drama-queeny. I used all my techniques to stay cool, and I thought about how I behaved all the time. The result: I get angry much much less. MUCH less. BUT there was another BIG reason why and it has nothing to do with anger management — it has to do with hormones.
This is way too long a story for one little blog post (maybe a book?), but in a nut shell, I went through menopause wicked early. Starting at age 39 (maybe earlier) I began to have the hormonal changes that someone in their 50’s has – (not pretty). But since I wasn’t in my 50s, I had no idea what was happening to me. I was sad and getting hot flashes and irrational and most of all I could lose my temper as quickly as you get a hot flash (which is very very quickly and out of nowhere). I thought there was something really wrong with me (and perhaps so did my husband and children). I couldn’t understand why in my nice life I was getting so mad, or sad, or sweaty.
So I started this blog to understand the temper part having no idea there was a hormone part that could be playing a roll. Somewhere during the year of the project, I went to the doctor and found out what was going on with my body (FSH levels in the 80’s). The doc put me on the pill (estrogen) and soon enough, I started to feel MUCH better. I could still get mad (as anyone does), but I wouldn’t lose it. It was an Ah-ha moment.
Now, more than a year later, I don’t think I would start a Lose The Temper blog. I don’t lose my temper enough to. But back then it seemed like it was the right thing to do because I was lost, I wasn’t myself — I was losing myself and my temper.
I am not giving this the time or detail it probably needs, but I was feeling terribly about ditching the blog and wanted to post something to say why. It was a bee-in-my-bonnet.
I finished my novel, Starry Night. It will be out next year. The mom in it sometimes loses her temper and I’m not sure she always knows why.
More soon I hope. My book is not back from the editor until late March!